David Guinness

A nice poem. Your imagery was good, and you had most of the elements for a good poem. I did tend to get tired from all of the rhyme, although ...

All is good. Okay, almost all is good. Just one thing: I thought your message came across loud and clear, with good, strong statements, except for one: You are truly ...

Praise for Niteowl! *claps* :D Now on to the critiques (Sleep-deprivation makes me mean): I must say the two big things I say for almost every lyrical work I read ...

Again, frankly- either make it rhyme perfectly, or don't. The choice is yours. But if you wish to have rhyme, it really must be perfect. I.E. Stream and Achieve do ...

This dart pierces me more than anyone one else Do you want the extra "one"? If I said I love you, would u say stay the same I would suggest ...

I think it has potential. But I must agree with The Black Rose- the rhyme feels a little too forced. Rhyme should feel very natural. For a song suggesting the ...

The thing is, writing can always be improved. Always. Really, the only problems are very little things, especially in keeping the meter of the verse, the rhythm. I would suggest ...

Nice lyrics. I'll keep an eye out for the song if you'll post it. I'd like to hear it. As a big Beatles fan, anything with a Beatles reference catches ...

This is a good poem! Especially for a first attempt! I'm impressed. The second verse... "And he's waiting for you"... I'm not sure about this, I think there may be ...

Love it! :) But, seriously, Snoink...have you any work that you've written SERIOUSLY?... ;)

The last formatted line of the first stanza...I would suggest you look it over and decide how you want it to be...depending on how it's phrased when read it either ...

I like this. The imagery is very good. "I wouldn’t know. For dawn has just begun; The light just beginning to shine. Who knows what the day will bring?" Personally, ...

Very morbid, and I actually think it's very good. I do think, though, that it could be improved upon, slightly. The first two stanzas I would rework to make rhyme ...

As far a long-term survival of literature, I would have to say that LOTR will really survive for a much longer period, just because of the literary quality of the ...

The last two lines in the first stanza- I would try playing with the syntax. I think the word order on the two lines might better bring out the full ...